


The Contrast

by 0nevermindthen3



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Natasha Romanov, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Deaf Clint Barton, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Human Disaster Clint Barton, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kissing It Better, M/M, Multi, Protective Natasha Romanov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 09:43:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17302286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0nevermindthen3/pseuds/0nevermindthen3
Summary: He just wished he had lucky, to drown his face in his fur and ignore the world just a little bit longer





	The Contrast

 

He looks outside and just lets himself think of her, in her wicked eyes full of mirth, her red hair flowing between fire and blazing guns in Budapest

He is standing in the balcony letting his sight track patterns against the concrete buildings of a foreign city, an habit he never got to quit as a sharpshooter.

 

He grips his streaming coffee, hoping it would ground him somehow, but it doesn’t work.

He wished he had lucky, to drown his face in his fur and ignore the world just a little bit longer

 he doesn’t know if she is alright , he doesnt know if she is even alive.

 

***

 

It’s dark, he doesn’t know how much time he has been standing in the balcony, watching the blur of the car lights as they pass by, the faraway building now painted with rectangles of lights.

 the cold is bitting his wrists an old fracture given to him by barney , he grips the mug closer to him, his fingers stiff in the cold ceramic

 His insides are a terror, numbness overcoming everything, leaving him lightheaded and disoriented, he just see her dropping in the ground over and over again, he shouldn’t have pushed herto come with him

she should have-

she shouldn’t have listened to him, she would be alright

 he should have-

 He should have let her go.

 

 

And then a hand comes into his shoulders, one cold and one warm, his stomach twistspainfully with hate, its only him he realizes belatedly,its Bucky

 James searching for his gaze in the dark, the light sharpening his eyes in a jarred edge, he is tired he realizes

 He takes his mug from him, his metallic arm gentle into his shaking hands, guiding him out of the balcony.

 

he is numb.

 

There is a blanket suddenly over his shoulders, warming him where he sits on that ugly neon sofa.

Bucky then crouches between his legs talking to him

 

—“Barton please, talk to me, clint“ he says insisting in his soothing voice, waiting him to come back to himself, but he cant talk he has a scream lodged in the back of his throat, so he just nods

 —“Its not your fault” he says firmly putting his hands on his knees making him look up.

—“We leave in a week hold on please “ he says and Bucky the sassiest motherfucker of them all never pleads, his eyes are so earnest and sad and he cant take it anymore

 —“How can you say that”— clint says rage simmering in his skin, the same kind of rage when he realized he couldnt hear, in the hospital full of bandages lost in the silence forever.

 —“You were supposed to watch her back” he is screaming he realizes after a while, the purple blanket forgotten in the floor, he is standing over james.

 —“you were watching over her not me ... You were supposed to take that shot for her not to save me"

 —“why?” he says pushing him away and Bucky jerks immediately into a fight stance, his eyes hurt

 —“I couldn't lose anyone else,

I wouldn't be able” he says 

 —“You should have Barnes,

You should have chosen her, im just a circus boy she is the goddamn black widow, was... goddamn it “

 

He tries to push Bucky again but he deflects making him trip falling against the coffee table

 Rage builds up like venom in his bloodstream, Bucky triesto help him and he fights back. Bucky easily deflecting his uncoordinated hits until he has him in a headlock

 —“Stop “ he says and sounds like he is the one from a step from breaking down

 

Clint brokes his holdand pushes him against the wall, every cell in his body alight with rage and grief blurring everything else

 he hold a fist up and deflates as soon as james goes pliant against him closing his eyes

 

_He wont be that person_

 

There are tears streaming in his eyes

 —“I’m sorry” Clint says and he is choking on it “Fuck I’m sorry “he says again

 he collapses in the wall next to him, arms bracing his legs

 —“it was my fault “james says then crunching next to him, neither looking at each other

 —“she should have fucking dodged that hit “he says rage leaving him sad and exhausted

 —“i should go“ bucky says and makes a move to get up, but clintholds his arm.

 he looks over the room and then at him a question in his gaze

 

—“im sorry he says fuck im so sorry Bucky” clint says and then he gets up leaning to kiss him pushinginto him, there is a moment of stillness and then they are both kissing back with everything they got, desperate, the grief overcoming them both, the underlying desire

 

James is pushing his hair back from his face stopping as he admits

—“i loved her too “ says between breaths his eyes sad and weary

 —“i know “ he responds gently letting Bucky guide him into his room, hot hands searching every shape of his body kissing him gripping his arms, he lets himself be manhandled

 He is with his back against the bed then and james touching him gently, undressing him as they both collapse into each other the sheets creating waves in their naked skin.

 

***

 

_“hold on” she says i saw something in the bushes_

  _“Nat “he starts, fidgeting with an arrow._

  _“Shut up i heard something” she says “im going to see, wait here cover me”_

  _“no wait, im going, let me take cover”_

  _“let her do it “ Bucky says “she know what she is doing unlike some “ he says pointedly looking at him with a grin._

 

Clint wakes up startled

 neither of them can sleep after,too afraid of the nightmares catching them in their sleep.

 they are holding themselves afloat

 

—“How long have you loved her?” Bucky asks his breath is steady again but he is flushed.

 —“I don't think there was a minute when i didn't love her” clint answers picking the edges of the sheet with deft fingers.

Thinking of the first time they kissed, under a makeshift refugee while there was a storm outside and of course people wanting to kill them.

 —“Do i remind you of her? “ He asks and moves his head in the pillow, he looks up just to meet his blue eyes shiny in the moonlight

 —“Sometimes” he admits and bucky nods ,the same grace in their movements but they couldn't be more different

 

Nat hides everything, she only showed what she wanted to show

  ~~James no ,~~ Bucky he was vulnerable in a odd sense, he was capable in his abilities and skill but he could never really hide his emotions, his eyes spoke for him.

 

—“I didn't kiss you for that though “ he needs to say, confident that Bucky knows“I don't see her in you, i see you”

 The fierce determination, the professionalism, he doesn’t add

 —“We were both so invested in protecting her” Bucky says touching his arm gently

 —“But you were right after all” clint tells him

 —“In what”

He passes his fingertips in the stubble of bucky jaw, his cheek, bucky closes his eyes his breathing labored and clint takes his arm to kiss open mouthed at his wrist watching as bucky’s eyes open and bore into him.

 

"I don't know what im doing"

 

***

 

A week later a very much dead natasha romanoff appears sleeping in the ugly neon sofa, dark rings under her eyes and bruises blossoming on her pale skin.

 

James finds her first

<we thought you dead > he says in russian cautiously and he is so happy to see her, to be wrong in his assumptions

 

She opens her eyes ,not really sleep then

<I died James, but i came back>

 

<Clint is not okay>he says then

 —“Since when do you think you can talk behind my back like im not here” clint speaks up from the door

 And they both look up to see him walking to the front of the room with a wreaked look in his sharp eyes

 —“I though i lost you Tasha” he says guarded unmoving tense in every line of his body

 —“I had people behind my back, they stop trying to kill you when you are already dead it seems”

 Bucky huffs a laugh at that

Clint looks at Bucky ,he looks relaxed the bed hair where he passed his fingers into the nots and then at nat she has longer hair, a brown color unkept in messy waves , rare in her

 

—“I need to cut it” she says and then its her who gets up and embraces him.

 —“Im sorry yastreb” she says grapping his arms in him a display of vulnerability

 —“Don't fucking do that to me again Tasha “ he chokes holding her, for a moment he just holds her for dear life, and looks up to find Bucky looking at them.

 And he is close to crying when he says

—“Come here Bucky with the good-hair”

 

And then they are embracing each other.

Later when they are too emotionally unstable to do anything else than eat cold pizza and pretend to watch tv when they are in fact watching each other, Natasha suggestgoing to sleep

 —“Im not getting inside the bed without you two “ Clint says to them pulling his tshirt over his head and to the bed.

 <im happy you came back to us natalie>

 <just nat, James > she says and kisses him softly taking his hand to go to bed

Clint is sandwiched between them, both very much alive and he thinks maybe he can finally have a night of good sleep.

 Bucky speaks then, enlacing his fingers with Natasha over Clint

 —“He is ours Nat, we have to take care of him”

 Nat holds a little tighter and then removes the hearing aids that Clint forgot to pull of before sleeping.

 —“Those bastards that tried to kill me where following Clint too” nat tells him “I went to the warehouse”

 Bucky waits

 —“There is no warehouse anymore james “

 —“Bucky” he corrects her

 —“Bucky “she says and smiles.

 

 


End file.
